so. i encountered the witness side of me. wow even reading these words i feel inauthentic. for it is true: all words//all thoughts are, by their very nature, not real.
well yes. long have i been identified with my thoughts. as if they are me. but last night i tried something different: i said brian: tell me whatever you want. just let it out. let it the fuck out. then i just waited.
and wow. your mind just goes on and on and on and on and on about everything! describing things, judging things, setting one thing against another: (hello fish i don’t like this kind of fish i wish it was more yellow sigh its cold hey look a cute girl man i am better looking than her but i feel insecure and i don’t know why wait yes i do but I’m not sure right now (and on and on)
and so it goes! and i realized: that voice is not me. i’m just standing here listening. i am not my thoughts! for they go on without me! they are patterns, ideas, needs, wants, of the mind and the body together, but they are not me. I am–as the blessed one sings–pure awareness. I am the witness. I am the clear space of awareness.
i understand now, when they say, do not think about not thinking, that is still thinking. you do not have to smash your thoughts, or restrict your judgements. if you do this, you believe you are the mind! and you are not the mind! you are the witness of your thoughts. simply watch them. listen to them, it validates you and you learn more and more about yourself, there is no need to fight your wild, evil, sexy, lustful, angry, judging thoughts. just know they are not you, and listen.
it will annihilate the world right before your eyes, and like a roof cracked open above you, all you see is limitless sky. it is truly amazing.