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the journey within, through the paths of souldust, slopes towards infinity. it really does! continue down #you the #rabbithole, and you will be shocked at who you are. :O

like me. i come upon a deep thought I hold, like: this world will never make happy. there it is. that is an affirmation I carry in my mind/heart/energy. it shapes my world, for my world perspective is my world. it is the same for all of us.

anyway, what a huge fundamental thing! shit! that means no matter where I go I’m miserable hahaha jesus christ I am such a dramatic fucking ape swangling through the jungle nonsense.

but this is the power of our jiva, our individualized awareness. how we view our world is our world.

the more I meditate ruminate and sit feeling aware of all my thoughts and emotions, the halfmysterious rainbow energies coursing through #me the #incarnation, the more fundamental the revelations.

it’s just: wow. I’m arrogant. I’m fearful. I worry all day long about everything. this is not necessary. but you can’t stop a thought you’re not aware you’re having for example: (everything I do and say is a reflection if me and how I look. people are tools to make me feel better about myself). ~like honestly what the fuck kind of awful thought is that! slap me in the face

oh but it was in there. inside us is possibly (probably) a nasty monster of a thing. it is the ugliness we build upon ourselves like castles to protect us from suffering.

the ancient ones use the same word for to cling and to die. for to cling is to DIE! forreal.

most of us spend life protecting the things we cling to. are attached to. we worry we will lose them: money, respect, health, lovers. they bring us joy, what happens when it’s gone? we’ll be miserable. thus we fear their loss, allow ourselves to be pulled from the present moment by anxiety for losing a pleasure, thus losing the intensity and beauty of the now.

you know? I was walking around outside just now ~~ I like the wind and the night, it cools my hot skin ~~ and I realized shit! I think I know why I’ve felt really numb and terrible for weeks: I’m clinging. I’m clinging to someone, to that life with her in it.

I’m saying deep within me: I do not accept my world without her. there growing black and lustrous deep in my braingarden, is this poison flower. it is poisonous, for no matter where I go or what I do, it’s pointless without her. all my world turns to ash except the 15 ft radius of her radiance, and no matter how stupid and terrible that little  circleworld is, it’s the only one I accept.

well fuck that. that’s a grand foolishness is it not and I ain’t no grand fool at least not on purpose.

but letting go is hard. it hurts. to stop clinging to a hope is to let in, finally, the pain of its loss. yes, this is very hard, but it is proper and classy. ~ just let the pain in. the pain of failure, of poverty, of sickness, of betrayal, of losing what you loved; once you accept all the things you love might be gone at any moment, you can truly experience the sublime vibration that is life.

live every moment of life as your last. to really embrace today as a great day to die is the original bravery.

let it go let it in. fail. fall. be annihilated. embrace it. don’t worry. you’ll be okay. really. i promise.

~once you accept death, you can’t be killed.

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