so i turned 30 and a lot of my friends tell me it’s death haha. “it’s the end, brian! our youth is over! it’s all downhill from here. my hairline is rolling back like a curtain and I have colitis.”

okay so first of all fuck the hairline. sometimes, it’s gotta go! what in the hell does a hairline have to do with anything anyway it’s just when your hair falls out. your brain doesn’t fall out, so you’re fine. it’s psychological, we know; but if the suffering from the rolling hairline is real, does it matter that its importance is imagined?  if something affects us, like a nightmare, isn’t it real? what actually determines significance, and therefore happiness?

colitis does suck tho.

a person is their inner world. the outer world is simply a manifestation of it. the I Ching says it this way: “once a single grain of gold elixir (the elixir of perfect yin yang harmony) is swallowed into the belly, you know for the first time that your destiny depends on you and not heaven.”

a human being is truly inundated in illusion, the main illusion is your body, and your belief that you really are a human being. you are not a human being. a human being is fearful, violent, greedy. you are none of these things.

a human body is created from animal instincts, like a machine, it’s built out of inexorable particles of reality, like all things. all things except you. you are not built out of reality.

you are the electricity. you are the power itself, the heat and the churning withing your gears, and the light that glows in your eyes. that’s who you are. you’re not a bound, dead, particle-created, thing of change and death; you are the animator beneath, the brilliance within.

electricity can animate everything; it  does animate everything. what are the properties of electricity? formless, timeless, of infinite potential, yellow maybe. I’m feeling repetitive it’s difficult to attempt to describe god or the human soul. because~

the deepest illusion of our life is the duality of it. hot cold, strong weak.they appear to be opposites, but they are not; they appear to control us, but they dont! we are not weak nor strong, or far or near, alive or dead, we are both! at all times, we are both, and we are neither. your being is beyond duality. it is beyond the suffering of this world.

duality is a familiar term; most people know of the duality and the conflict between good and evil. it is generally agreed to be the most important conflict to study of our lives. it’s not. it is a trap. it’s a trap shaped like a circle, an infinite prison of theory and anger, and many major religions and its followers are consumed by  it, the duality of good and evil.

maybe its surprising, (it was surprising to me) to learn it does nothing to fret over it. it cannot be solved. worrying about it doesn’t improve people’s lives, it just inflames them, because it is a circle: good and evil are a circle; light and dark are a circle.

it is more helpful to contemplate the duality of man and god. this is the ultimate duality, which means it is the ultimate illusion. the idea that you and god are separate beings is wrong! it’s totally wrong!

you and god are one. your soul is the energy of universe, all the energy. like the buddha-nature, the electricity’s nature is always the same, even when the forms change. whether it is wind that blows, or water and lava that flows, it is you that glows.


love, brian.